Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Wait a minute! Wasn't that just yesterday??? Where did my baby girl go? Can my little girl really be turning 5 tomorrow? It does not even seem possible at all. I swear it feels like yesterday that I was holding that little baby in my arms. Why does it seem like the older I get the faster life goes by? I don't want her to turn 5. I am not ready for it. But it is going to happen no matter what...I can't change that. How I wish I could. I wish I could keep her my "little" girl forever and ever. My little girl no longer has her "baby face". Right before my eyes she has turned into a beautiful "big girl". When did that happen? Ugh...why is this so hard this year. Why 5? I have never been like this any other year, but for some reason here I sit tearing up thinking about losing my baby girl to childhood. I AM NOT READY! Why did it go so fast. I wonder, do other parents feel cheated? I kind of do. Why does it have to go so damn fast!!!???

Well, we had a good evening. Eric is on nights this week so it was just my girl and I. We came home and had dinner, then watched some Disney. Around 7:45 I said lets go get in to out jammies and then come back out and watch a little bit of a movie before bedtime. She asked "can we have a pillow fight after we get our jammies on?". How could I tell her no? So we then met back up in the living room in our jammies and had the best pillow fight EVER! It was so much fun! She then wanted to lay on the couch together under the blanket and cuddle. Again, how could I tell her no? She indulged me and sat on my lap while we cuddled. That was probably the best part of my evening. I think she must have thought I was crazy though. You know how when people get married or something big they say "this is the last time I will do this as a single person"? Well all night I kept saying, "this is your last dinner as a four year old", "this is your last dessert as a four year old", "this is the last time I will tuck you in as a four year old" and so on. I think that only added to my sadness.

I cannot even put in to words how much I love that little girl. She is my everything! I cannot even remember what life was like before I had her in my life. I never in my life thought I would or could love something as much as I love her. I honestly believe in that old saying..."Making the decision to have a child is making the decision to forever let your heart walk outside of your body". How very true! She has truly blessed my life in so many ways. She has taught me so many things. I can honestly say that I am a better person and am proud of who I am today, and that is all because of her. I hope that I (we) can be for her what my parents were for me. I can only hope that she does/will feel the same way about me as I do my parents. I hope I don't fail her. I have never tried at something so much in my life. I try every day of my life to be the best mother I can be for her. She means so much to me. My head is filled with so many wonderful memories that she has given me, and I know that there are only more to come. Still doesn't make it any easier knowing that though. Having a child is the single most amazing thing that I will ever do. I cannot even explain how happy she makes me. My heart is full of love because of her.

"You're the answer to a million prayers,
You're the apple of my eye,
I can hear you breathing next to me.
Just how lucky can one person be?
I am looking at a mystery,
Everything I dreamed, more than I could wish for..."
~Nicolette Larson
(Thanks Dad)

The last picture as a four year old
Tomorrow I will wake up to a 5 year old. I AM NOT READY!!! :0(


Vanessa said...

Oh where does the time go? They truly do grow up too fast!! I hope she has a special birthday and get out the kleenex because if you're anything like me you'll need them!! I had the hardest time when my baby girl turned two!!

Beth's Blog said...

I am never ready either!

Daphne said...

Ah! Happy Birthday - what a sweetheart!